To See, NOT To Be Seen

Ever get nervous for auditions? Yeah...me too. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, that ease will result from repetition. I remember at an audition last year for The Pirate Queen I passed an established movie actor in his mid 50's in the hall--he was pacing, clearly nervous for his audition. I guess he caught me looking at him and he said, "Man, this never gets easier does it?" My stomach dropped. Here's an established actor telling me I've got 30 years more of nerves to look forward to?!

Well (drum roll) I think I've discovered a way to make auditioning/performing easier for all of us! Bear with me if I wax a bit buddhist here:

When was the mirror invented? I think it was in the 15th Century. Of course for thousands of years humans have had water, glass, metals, etc; to enjoy as reflective surfaces. But it's only for the last few hundred years we've had actual mirrors--surfaces specifically made so that we can study/enjoy our physical image. I hypothesize that this narcissism has, over time, led us to be pre-programmed to care (immensely) about how we are seen by others.

Think about a pack of lions grazing in a field. They are at once relaxed and poised to attack or nap or play...without any sense of their own image...without any sense of being judged by the animals around them. Animals have this advantage yes? To not be burdened by any sense of self image affecting their lives.

As an actor or a performer, the irony is that we are paid to be seen by others, but do our best work when we distance ourselves from caring about how we are seen. In other words, the more we can be like animals--simply seeing what's in front of us, in touch with our bodies and impulses without a self-conscious brain, the easier and more honest our work will be.

We have to consciously re-program our narcissistic bodies. How? That's where Alexander Technique comes into play:

When you drop your awareness into the tip of your tailbone and allow the energy to travel up the spine and out the eyes...the sense of being seen disappears...one only sees. Explore this even further...the senses are awakened...you will hear the cars on the street outside your home, the wind blowing...you'll feel the air on your skin, the clothes on your body, the floor underneath your feet, you'll see detail in the world around you...you will become a sensual being, more like an animal.

Of course this takes practice, but it's a way I've found to simplify auditioning and performing. Instead of trying to deny how much I care about an audition or who's in the audience that night by trying to "not care", I just drop into my awareness and my body, breath, and work on simply seeing, NOT being seen. It's calming, empowering, and easy. I lose the nerves associated with being seen, being judged, and am able to simply focus on my work.

Thanks to C, my Alexander teacher for inspiring this entry.