Courageous Indeed

I can't believe I was warned by multiple people that Mother Courage in the Park was boring and long-winded. We just got back and I'm so blown away I've gotta get this down on "paper".

Oskar Eustis is running away with the "My Favorite New Artistic Director in NYC" award. Maybe it's because of the war in Iraq, maybe it's because of the war against terrorism, maybe it's the war between Israel and Lebanon..and the Palestinians...and Iran...and so on and so on...WE are at war! And it's a refreshing breeze, literally, to experience politically relevant theater being done by some of the finest (and in Meryl's case THE finest) actors in the world, directed (fucking brilliantly) by George C. Wolfe, in a GENIUS translation by Tony Kushner, with an incredible original score by Jeanine Tesori! This is meaningful, intelligent, political, passionate, brutally honest, and highly entertaining theater.

If we're too cowardly to enlist, at least we can talk about it. To rally the people and call them in line to vote! And it's incredible how NEW this old play feels.

Go see this play if you can, or read Kushner's translation when it's available, or both...actually tonight the performance was being taped for something (I can't remember what) so SEE the tape (at the museum of Film and Television)!

And Meryl Streep...it's incredible to watch a woman my mother's age literally dance around this massive, mud filled, war zone of a stage for over 3 hours, screaming and crying, and commanding and begging, and laughing and singing (she can really sing!) through a VERY difficult text with the energy of a teenager. It's as if she'd been playing this role for months and as if this were her opening night all rolled up in one.

She is the most vital actor I've seen on a stage...ever. Every detail seems technically perfect but utterly impulsive. She is a vocal and physical marvel, filling every ounce of the stage and the surrounding open air of Central Park with Mother Courage's unending drive to live another day. Alexander wise--her energy was limitless...it reached to the stars and beyond.

I even learned a thing or two about performing a song. In one of her most thrilling moments, Meryl performed one of her songs in the first act with the technical perfection of a fully choreographed vaudeville routine. But every gesture seemed to arise spontaneouly out of the words and music as she sang each note. If we had been in a Broadway theater and she on a proscenium stage, the entire house would have given her an immediate and thunderous standing ovation (as we did at the curtain call).

Technical perfection matched with complete physical freedom and emotional truth = brilliance.

It was a thrilling joy to be a part of the audience tonight...even if we all were sitting comfortably in our seats...we were still participating. Which is more than most of us can say for ourselves at home on the sofa.

It's a Scary World After All

So I've been hesistant to blog about theater & acting with the recent escalations in terror around the world. I'm consumed by the news, developments, and horrific fantasies of a nearing doomsday.

I've also been thinking about the moral responsibilities of artists in times like these. Once in Les Mis rehearsals, I'll have a daily forum for voicing my frustrations, anger, confusion, and fears through the voice of Enjolras. (Is it true that the word "terrorism" first became popular during the French Revolution? ...when the 'regime de la terreur'--using fear to remind citizens of the necessity of virtue--was viewed initially as a positive political system?) But how do we deal with our thoughts now?

I think what's lacking in much of America is an open forum amongst friends and family about what each of us believes is going on. We either listen to the media and are afraid, or we listen to conspiracy theorists and mask our fears in the illusion of being misled. I wish there was more of a middle ground. More communication between Americans all over about the present and about our uncertain future.

It is our responsibility to INFORM ourselves about what is going on, have an opinion, and discuss it with those around you. Somehow, we've gotten through almost FOUR YEARS of war in Iraq without much care for the 1,000's of men and women who are coming home without arms, legs, faces...why are we so distanced from this war? Soon we'll find ourselves at the complete mercy of the media--only formulating opinions and fears from the selectively edited (and many times Photoshopped) video and photos from around the world.

We, as a society, need to start caring more. If you haven't noticed, the superpowers of the world are having some problems defeating a bunch of jihadists with Hitler-ian genocidal dreams hiding out in civilian homes. Something has changed. It's time we discuss what it is, and make sure that the next time we have the chance to affect how we live and the world we live in, we make sure more of us show up to vote than in the next American Idol competition.

Battling Stage Fright and Beyond

July 31, 2006

Re: Fear-less-ness

My name is Sheila Dugan, and I am a voice teacher in St. Louis, Missouri (www.SheilaDugan.com). I am a great fan of Aaron Lazar. Aaron has asked me to write a guest piece for his blog about panic/anxiety disorder, because I have it and manage it every day. I am delighted to do this, and I sincerely hope that what I write will help someone else to manage this very inconvenient disorder.

I am not a medical professional, but I AM an individual who has dealt with the consequences of panic disorder for my entire life and helps clients, daily, to overcome the results of anxiety. I have included some sites that you might find helpful in your research.

I was finally correctly diagnosed as recently as 1994. When you read the information given in the listed sites, you will notice that panic disorder is a fairly “recent” diagnosis of a GROUP of symptoms that can be neurological, cardiac, respiratory, gastrointestinal, and psychological in nature! It is very hard to be a singer/performer trying to overcome so many mis-firings of your body’s electrical systems while trying to build a career. Struggling through all of that, without a correct diagnosis, the panic disordered person shuts down, and their world becomes more and more closed in, while they try to remain “safe” from another unexpected “attack.” In the sites I have provided for you, you will read how the fear of “being out of control” is worse than the inexplicable episodes of “panic.” This is true for many panic disordered people…and may I add that it eventually gave me great comfort to know that I was not alone in my responses to this disorder.

I quit performing. I was and still am a very good singer. I won everything I competed for. Trying to perform inspite of this disorder became an overwhelming, exhausting task…not worth the effort. Since there was no diagnosis, and no help as I was coming up professionally, I started teaching voice instead, at the encouragement of my wonderful voice teacher, Dale Moore. Teaching was a natural next step for me. I am an accomplished pianist, and I began teaching piano to young children (at the suggestion of my piano teacher) when I was fifteen years old. My voice teacher encouraged me to start teaching voice at the age of twenty, and by the time I was twenty-one, my students were winning so many NATS contests, I was hired to teach on the voice faculty of Southern Illinois University. I did not have my first degree yet.

The symptoms of the then undiagnosed panic disorder became worse in my twenties and thirties. I fought back. I did a lot of things to survive this limitation. First: I DID NOT turn to drugs and alcohol to end the pain and frustration. Second: I found ways of organizing my mind and choices to fight my way through the inconvenience.

I became a Silva Mind Control (now called Silva Method) graduate. I took Robert Fritz’s DMA course…later called Technologies for Creating, and became a certified instructor of this course, and taught it here in St. Louis for four years in addition to my voice teaching. (A point of interest to me is that Katie Agresta, John Lloyd Young’s voice teacher in New York is also a certified instructor of this course.) I studied Structural Consulting with Robert Fritz at MIT. Yes, MIT, in Boston. These courses are centered around the creative process as applied to your life, and how you make choices for you life.

I used hypnosis to help me deal with the anxiety, and eventually was trained in hypnosis by a certified hypnotherapist. So, I did as much as I could without the use of drugs at the time to help myself through a really awful period of time.

By 1994, I was FINALLY correctly diagnosed, and was given a drug I still take to this day. Propranolol. Propranolol is the generic form of Inderal. It is a beta blocker, and considered a “smart drug,” meaning, eventually, you can reduce the dosage over time. If you are a performing singer/ actor/ or public speaker, I recommend that you check with your physician to see if this drug could help you deal with your anxiety disorder without going to anti-depressants. This is a drug that is safe with few side effects. I am not a doctor, but I can suggest that if YOUR doctor is wise, he will let you find YOUR correct dose (without taking too much…for instance starting with a 10 mg dose, and adding 10mg each time you take it, to figure out what dose you actually need, is a safe way to test how the drug acts in your body. Do this weeks BEFORE your event, so you know what to expect.) If you and your doctor decide that you should take the drug, be sure to take it about 1.5 hours BEFORE the event at which you have to sing/speak/or perform. The drug only stays in your system anywhere from 5 to 8 hours.

The last thing I would like to suggest for now is to check out whether you have allergies to FOODS, or INHALANTS. Panic/anxiety disorder can be a CHEMICAL RESPONSE to something you are PUTTING IN YOUR MOUTH, OR BREATHING INTO YOUR RESPIRATORY SYSTEM!! If not a direct cause, allergies can exacerbate your experience of fear, panic or anxiety.
Remember: human beings are basically BAGS OF CHEMICALS!! We can INGEST or BREATHE in chemicals that can make a mess of the subtle systems of our bodies. I have just been treated for these things, and my panic disorder continues to subside…and I am so grateful for that! I am driving, and singing, and living my life without the restrictions of the past.

You can meditate. You can “feel the fear and do it anyway.” You can seek a “spiritual” approach. I am telling you that there ARE ways of conquering these imbalances. Be proactive and seek ways of creating the great health you HAVE to have to succeed in your performance career. Now there IS a diagnosis, and real help.

Feel free to contact me through the email address I offer in my website (www.sheiladugan.com). If I can direct you further, I would be glad to try.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much Sheila for your honesty, courage, and heart.